Dangers of Meditation, Inner Hell.

After meditating and taking Refuge in Lama Ole Nydahl, my mind started to be more sensitive.

Then one day in a Warsaw Buddhist Center they told me they want to show me something.

... then i've heard Mira Boboli's voice - 'fry, don't wait' / pl: 'wysmażyć, nie czekać' /.

Then people started to talk about microwaves, ovens, fridges etc - and i felt heat and cold in turn, felt paralysis, panicked, turned more insane than i was until that moment.

Finally Sangha let me go and told me that they wish me to return.

Soon after i was in Psychiatric Hospital - fed with medicines that dumbed me down ... i could barely think, felt fear ... but voices went back into subconsciousness.

After many years i returned to Warsaw Buddhist Center, desperately seeking Enlightened Love - this need was cause of overcoming fear.

Now, after many years i can think better and faster, but there are voices still.

Some of these voices are beneficial - i call them insights, others are harmful, i call them mental ilness symptoms.

Mental Illness symptoms are insidious, sometimes i don't control myself because of these, sometimes they just blackmail me - telling that if i won't obey, my love-wish won't be realized.

i do many stupid things because of the symptoms.

Recently there are symptoms appearing as presence or voice of Michał Szwejkowski, wishing me to spend money and to do things that harm me.

i've removed my Silver Signet Ring with Loving Eyes Mantra engraved from my finger - and this caused symptoms to lessen.

Buddha disadvised meditation when someone has mental illness problems, i read.

Inner Perfection.

Introduction.

In Buddhism, Inner Values are far more important than External Values as money or good looks.


Inner Values.

What's inside, manifests externally with time - thoughts become words & actions, physical looks change, style improves or detoriates, money can be earned or wasted, perhaps more.


Loyality.

i think when lessons are valuable, internally perfect - beings are attracted to a teacher who gives them.

i think when teacher is impure, students leave - seeking those who helped such a 'teacher' to recruit them - probably doing most or all of the hard work.

How to unaddict oneself from a teacher? By paying karmic debts - favours for favours, or other way(s).

Impure teachers addict their Students to themselves or drugs, or forbid them Freedoms using other ways. i think it's harmful sectarian way to forbid Freedoms.


Wishes.

i wish all beings Freedoms, Compassion, Wisdom, Love, Protection, Inner & External Perfections - both an ability to give & to experience these qualities within themselves & from others.

i wish to improve myself Internally, to cultivate Inner Values, to become more Perfect Internally as time progress, for benefit of all - including myself.


Commentary.

i think that from a Good Will & Sincere Truth, when Realized with Patience, Hard Work & Endurance - Inner Perfection emerges.

i think when Inner Perfection improves, then one is on right track to reach Greatness - one's Karma becomes better.


Mantras.

MA DAG MA
OM A RA PA CA NA DHIH
OM MANI PEME HUNG
MA DAG MA

OM AMI DEWA HRI
OM KALACHAKRA SOHA

SHAMARPA CHENNO

KARMAPA CHENNO

Namaste, blessed be.

Inner Knife.

((placeholder for a post.))

((yes, it's my art ... it's there! ... just not as of yet.))

((yes, i want it to be in a proper place & clearly visible as well.))

(( ;) ))

--

More seriously it's a critic of my own thoughts.

i had insights that church wishes me to write that i carry my inner knife, the most holy symbol of Buddha Mahakala in my Heart.

i think that consequences would be that someone would pray for killing me by putting a knife in the heart so i would go to the heaven ... a knife is a cross, afterall?

i think this would be just too much of envy & pride, of 'stealing the show'.

Who would be blamed if i died? Buddhas - as not able to protect the protector from the holy symbol.

So the Church would shine as the better.

A Inner Conversation.

Just looked at Lama Ole's image with Uri Geller, Caty Hartung & Tomasz Lehnert.

Insights appeared, about Couples that are Gift to the World.

Insight appeared when i looked at Lama Ole, asking me:
- 'Do you wish to be such a couple?'
- i answered in my mind: 'If she agrees then gladly.' - i meant a Buddhist woman i Love.
- 'Yes.' - her insight-voice appeared in my mind.
- 'You will be then.' - insight-voice of Lama Ole Nydahl.

- 'You will teach ... Will you agree?' - Lama Ole's another insight-question.
- i answered in my mind: 'If she agrees then gladly.' - i meant her again, her insight-voice agreed again.
- 'You will be Lama then.' - an insight-voice of Lama Ole Nydahl.

i wish we'll realize this as soon as we can, if she truly agreed, if it's not just a mind-trick played on me by my own ego ... if possible at all.

Tools for Inner Development - Imagination and Visualization.

Introduction.

During a Buddhist practice - for example during meditation or study - one sees, imagines, visualizes Buddha forms.


Imagination & Self-Criticism.

It's easier to accomplish a goal - for example finding work - when one does not drag himself into depression with detrimential thoughts.

Instead of thinking of oneself as of a 'loser incapable of finding any work', one should regularly imagine oneself as capable person.

But it's not about positive thinking & unrealistic beliefs - these can result in psychological problems if carried too far.

In Diamond Way Buddhism we try to act as Lamas or Buddhas until we become one. We imagine ourselves as possessing Buddha Qualities, while at the same time being aware that it's just an opening, that realistically we are not so developed as of yet.


Visualization.

During meditation we visualize Buddha forms with their attributes.

Buddhist symbolics is rich, spiritual, and deeply wise on many levels.




Mahakala for example carries a knife that severs all what hinders, a skull-bowl with ego's blood and more.

Visualizing this helps us to keep in mind many Mahakala aspects at the same time, to coordinate our activities & thinking.

This reminds us how we should be, what is important for Mahakala activity, and with practice can be a skillful way of keeping attention & focus on being as Mahakala in all of his aspects.

-- Paraphrased & summarized parts of 'Introduction to Kalachakra' by Alexander Berzin.