... i try to be gentle, to not create desperates.
... desperate people are worst enemies - after a while.
i suffered under Catholic Church, as well as under Sectarian Worshippers in Lama Ole Nydahl's Sangha.
Whole groups are diverse, there are good and bad people in, both shining examples & disgraces.
... mistreatment and abuse caused my insanity, suicidal thoughts & suicide attempts.
... i suffer from manipulative thoughts, as these sectarians appear in my mind, manipulating, putting in troubles - not only financial.
... in my mind they try to 'convey Dalai Lama's lessons' for me - or rather they manipulate these lessons so they benefit more at my cost, and at cost of others.
... i prefer unmodified Truth, not their interpretations.
... i tried to be gentle, but because of my mental illness i have troubles in surviving and finding love.
... i am forced to hate, despite my goodwill and reason.
... i will criticize mercilessly, perhaps they will change, perhaps they won't harm others the same way.
... that are consequences of abuse, of creating desperates.
... i wish to improve later, to develop compassion & love when i can - but for now, i am not ready.
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