Buddhist Centers are NOT Clubs for Mad People.

... i was in both, so i know.

... i think both are needed, but are not the same.


What are clubs for mad people?

These are places where mad people get food and simple activities in an attempt to 'activate' them professionally.

... i think, however, that too many of mad people find excuses to not work, to not even try to be beneficial - i've heard some say: 'i am not fit for work', or 'i do not want to work for smartassess'.

Being for a while in such club allowed me to survive harsher moments in life ... but eventually it wasn't enough for me, i sought and found work.

Attendance to such a club is often addition to therapy and medicines.


What about Buddhist Centers?

When i was depressed, hopeless, helpless ... and about to suicide - i found support in Buddhist Center Stupa House, in Warsaw, Poland.

... i found nice company, wisdom, compassion ... and learned Meditation, as well as Karmapa Chenno Mantra.

... i took Refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Realized Sangha, as well as in Lama Ole Nydahl.


Then experienced purification that expressed itself as 'Madness explosion'.

... i went to Psychiatric Hospital, then recovered somewhat and returned to Buddhist Center.

Meditated there for some time, learned wisdom from teachers then was told to go elsewhere.


Is it cruel?

Perhaps, but i feel grateful for what i learned, and for support i've received - as one should, in my opinion. One should be grateful for good times, instead of demanding more of it when opportunity ends.


Why was i expelled?

Well, i think that there are multiple of reasons:

1. Place in meditation center is resource. If others weren't expelled before me, i would not have opportunity to meditate, get support & learn.
2. i think that i've received complete lesson anyway - and once i realize it fully, once it becomes part of my life - i'll be granted more lessons, either in the same or other Buddhist Centers. One goes to Buddhist Center to support & help others - so there are responsibilities attached. i think that too much of lessons and resulting work to do would be too dangerous, would make my life too much of a slave-work.
3. Rich & nice people should be majority in Buddhist Centers - these inspire others and pass lessons of success to others, so they can succeed in life as well. Rich people also donate much more to Buddhism than Poor - and even that materialism is not Buddhism, these resources allow Buddhism to expand, to help more people in difficult situations.
4. Meditation and Preliminary Purifying Practices are dangerous for mad people, as these make bad karma from this and previous lives ripen fast and can overwhelm mad people - even if its only 1% of effect - there's so much in this and previous lives to manifest in short time.


Is Madness end of one's Life & Career?

For me it's not.

My Priority for many lives is Enlightened Love, sanity is not so important.

Work & Financial Independence are just means for this. Important means, but there's more to Love than 'family business'.

There are work-places for mad people as well. Both 'protected' workplaces, supported by laws & social welfare, as well as Free Market jobs, where one is treated as equal - or almost as equal as other, sane workers.

There are also Companies run by Mad people, even if it's rare.

Madness has it's benefits as well - One can say controversial truths without being afraid of being called insane, and this can be very beneficial. One can take inspiration of Mad Yogin Drukpa Kunley, on that Way, as well.

... and also, contrary to beliefs of many - there are women that want someone mad because of love.

Keeping Strong for now ... & Meditation on Red Buddha.

Since a while i suffer from mental illness symptoms, symptoms that hinder my preparations for Enlightened Love.

About 2 weeks ago i got finally a job - but it took me about 7 years of life to get a job. That's quite long.

... i have much to do - going to dentist, ditching addictions, cleaning apartment, developing proper habits - and far more.

For now a success with job makes me regain hope - for a while at least.

... but i feel old.

... i do not know if/when another life's crisis will happen, so in my mind had thoughts to prepare for death.

... got insights - thoughts arose in mind - that i'll have Simplified Phowa Course transmitted to my mind & brain, and that i should perform Red Buddha meditation - meditation that prepares one for Phowa Course.

... i think i need that.

This meditation is one from 'Fearless Death' book by Lama Ole Nydahl, i'll fight to be able to meditate, and will meditate as much as i can ... but without too much of stressful effort.

Plan is to do it everyday - except when i work - starting 19:00, lasting as much as i can without getting into too much of stress.


... i'll also speak the Diamond Mind purifying mantras - starting with six- syllable ones, then later - continuing with one hundred- syllable ones.


... when i'll die, please do Phowa for me, if You can ... i do not know when it might happen, for now i feel relatively strong.