Since a while i suffer from mental illness symptoms, symptoms that hinder my preparations for Enlightened Love.
About 2 weeks ago i got finally a job - but it took me about 7 years of life to get a job. That's quite long.
... i have much to do - going to dentist, ditching addictions, cleaning apartment, developing proper habits - and far more.
For now a success with job makes me regain hope - for a while at least.
... but i feel old.
... i do not know if/when another life's crisis will happen, so in my mind had thoughts to prepare for death.
... got insights - thoughts arose in mind - that i'll have Simplified Phowa Course transmitted to my mind & brain, and that i should perform Red Buddha meditation - meditation that prepares one for Phowa Course.
... i think i need that.
This meditation is one from 'Fearless Death' book by Lama Ole Nydahl, i'll fight to be able to meditate, and will meditate as much as i can ... but without too much of stressful effort.
Plan is to do it everyday - except when i work - starting 19:00, lasting as much as i can without getting into too much of stress.
... i'll also speak the Diamond Mind purifying mantras - starting with six- syllable ones, then later - continuing with one hundred- syllable ones.
... when i'll die, please do Phowa for me, if You can ... i do not know when it might happen, for now i feel relatively strong.
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