Many people need a little escape from reality, after their hard-working days and/or nights.
... in my case, i need more return to reality.
A form of escapism is playing computer games.
... under church i've been suffering a lot - so i hid myself in my parent's apartment, and started to play computer games - seeking love lessons on mind level.
... i was too fat, smelly, stupid and ugly for this to happen in real life, and i needed badly even a semblance of woman's love.
... it was five worst years in my life.
... i've gone insane, desperate, suffered pain and depression.
... then someone - a young woman from france - helped me, and after in-game romance between our characters ended - i tried to suicide.
... then thought awakened in my mind, to try Buddhism as a last resort.
... i live still, and play computer games too much.
... in a buddhist center had insight that i should play computer games for buddhism, so i did.
... it's insult and disgrace for a computer programmer to play computer games, we prefer to do more meaningful, better things - creating software.
... we, computer programmers, have egoistic thought: 'i do not play computer games, i produce them'.
... too often thoughts arise in my mind, saying that i am insane, that i am worse because i just play instead of producing software.
... i feel raped by these thoughts - even if people do not tell me this in real life directly, they behave that way.
... playing computer games is great pain to me.
... i need real love, in real life - i do not want cyber-love nor cyber-sex - without human touch it's incomplete experience, loneliness in the internet.
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