.. my MtGO cards decks went through many upgrades, and this is seriously expensive game.
... insights tell me that a lot of reckless expenses like buying these cards and more - are caused by improper meditation in too greedy sangha.
... i have mental obstacles with paying fees as apartment, debts etc, as well.
... this might lead me to serious troubles in future, near or far.
i meditated with compassion & open heart, with other people in Sangha.
i suspect too many, but not everyone, had greedy & ignorant wishes, meditated improperly with me.
i suspect that my subtle interaction affected my mind deeply, their wishes fell into my subconscious mind, and surface now - putting me into troubles.
These insights point to a too sectarian woman who accelerated my insanity by abusing occult teachings on me, as onw of many causes,
... perhaps strongest cause of my insanity & other troubles.
My insanity resulted from 'a miracle' performed on me, 'to display' - i felt paralysis heat & cold in turns as they talked about refrigerators, ovens, microwaves etc.
it was a lesson not without benefits, i think - but it has many drawbacks that ruin my life in past and now.
... if/when my situation will improve, i'll assess if this lesson is beneficial. for now it's too many troubles with a question mark - i don't know if i'll benefit or be destroyed.
... mtgo cards can be sold for money, but it's still a lot of money loss.
... i was forced by my thoughts to do this in past as well, then to spend recklessly on expensive pizza & computer game.
... then i was forced by thoughts to buy these cards again, more epensively.
... i feel tarnished & abused, not only financially.
... i think Sangha should be more considerate with their wishes & meditations.
