i have the experience of the church's members expecting me to be better than them - they demanded me to behave good, but they didn't behave that way.
Most of them were moralizing, telling me what to do - but they were not examples, they didn't inspire only demand. With a few of rare exceptions, of deeply religious people.
As i grew up, i tried to suicide, my inner pain, my feeling of guilt was so big.
... i told myself - that if i was so bad, the world without me will be better. And i knew deep in my heart that it would be others who would regret that suicide more than me. i felt a sarcastic satisfaction with that feeling and thought.
My suicide attempt failed, then i meditated, recovered for a while.
Now i have voices in my head telling me what to do, how to spend money, what to eat, how to behave during holidays / tomorrow is Lughnasadh, so i had many insisting voices today /, etc. - the voices tell me that it's church's wish to behave that way, so i can suffer, and then go to heaven.
i think church tries to convert others out their desire for material and other gains - they want more of their 'lower ranks', so they can bask in pride of their superiority, and benefit from the work of 'lessers'.
i think this is rude and stupid to demand me to suffer under them until end of life, so i can go to heaven that way.
Why they won't develop tolerance and suffer under Buddhism, working for other views and faiths, suffering so they can go to heaven that way?
/ i advise checking Buddhists You choose to serve, if You decide to do so - some are too abusive and sectarian. i do not wish to create martyrs and law court trials - in my opinion it's better to cease to serve abusers than to quietly abide, than to create unneccessary drama. yes, some buddhists are jerks. ;) /
i certainly do not wish to return to Catholic Church, i think such conversion would make me wish to suicide again.
i think Catholic Church, in order to convert people should inspire by living as examples, not demanding what they do not represent by themselves.
... but why Buddhism?
... since childhood i was impressed with martial arts and buddhist ideas, without knowing roots.
... then as i understood i turned to buddhism, but also to other views and faiths - as Wicca or the Golden Dawn - which i liked at youth.
-=- Truth is what brings together, instead of separating - but honesty is still important. -=-
-=- i should read this book, when i can. -=-
... see also, if you wish, or need, ... : Faith vs. Experience.
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