... i hate to complain, but meditation ruins life.
Ego is the Relentless Enemy of every Buddhist & Martial Artists, fight against ego ruins internally & externally - one purifies a lot of karma in short time, going through misfortunes, facting inner & external obstacles on the Way.
i became so much of an altruist, that it destroys my life.
Meditation is cause of extreme altruism, to the point of self destruction.
i complain because i have no hope of survival, but perhaps someone will help.
if someone helps, i'll repay karmic debt as soon as i can - i can work very hard if needed or neccessary.
... alone i'll lose all i have & die.
... but i do not wish to be a parasite, to live at cost of others.
if that's better i prefer to die.
See also, if You wish: ... i hate to complain, meditation ruins life, To Train, To Defeat Ego, Ego War.
(EN) i am not unhappy about Buddhism, i am just not sure if i'll survive. if i am to be parasite i prefer to die instead. i don't mind, anyway.
ReplyDelete(EN) i didn't pay my bills this month, money quickly runs out. i'll have to catch up with paying bills as soon as possible, or i'll be in serious troubles. altruism ruined me that way, meditation is it's cause.
ReplyDelete(EN) i didn't go to psychotherapy, i skipped 3 days of psychotherapy course as well. there are troubles to come because of that. altruism ruined me that way, meditation is it's cause. too much of altruism is self-destructive mental illness symptom, i think & feel. i looked at Lama Ole Nydahl's photo on this blog and got insight that i should 'yell'. i did write these 2 comments because of that. otherwise i'd prefer to not complain, and die instead.
ReplyDelete(EN) have even more troubles, my toilet is full of shit, for long. expecting bacteria & disease, my mental ilness makes it difficult to care for hygiene & health, even for physical health. such karma.
ReplyDelete(EN) troubles are there still, i am in debts, yet feel urgest to spend money recklessly.
ReplyDelete... details:
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